When You Let Your Heart Win
by ThrottaKaze
Summary: More than meets the eye.
1. Seperation

AN: Hi guys! –waves frantically- um… angst ahead. Just a oneshot, may become something more. Aha.

oooooOOOooooo

**That's what you get when you let your heart win  
**

_It was happening. It was finally happening. Shizuru was leaving… and there was nothing she could do. Natsuki was well into the fight by now, the pair having been arguing about the subject all evening. Well, one arguing and one simply smiling and nodding, calmly packing her things and murmuring sweet nothings. Shizuru… Shizuru was to leave today. Natsuki was fine about a week ago discussing this subject… on the night of the woman's departure, however…_

_It had started calmly… but as the hours trickled by…_

"I still try holding onto silly things…" Natsuki murmured, trails of silver carving a forlorn path languidly down her cheeks. "I…" She swallowed thickly, nearly choking on a sob, and shook her head furiously, "Why… why do we like to hurt so much?!"

Shizuru smiled vacantly, her eyes dulling significantly with the action, and her whole posture slumping ever-so-noticeably. She raised a pale, trembling hand up to the girls face and stroked her cheek, her thin fingers making light contact with her tears. She should be torn right now. Natsuki was crying and once again _she_ was the cause of her pain… But… _But perhaps this time, it's for the best_.

"Natsuki…" Shizuru whispered lovingly, but the name never truly penetrated Natsuki's ears. Her love's face was devoid of the emotion that came so sweetly with the sound she had just uttered. And now, confused by her countenance, she could do naught but stare mutely at the woman who had killed countless lives, all for the sake of her happiness. "Shi-"

"Natsuki…" Shizuru whispered again, tenderly, this time, and stroked her cheek once more. Why couldn't Natsuki see that this was for the best? "I have to go now. My flight is in two hours… I need to be in the terminal and checked in within this hour…" She trailed off, for once in her life, trailing off…

Natsuki shivered helplessly under that glass stare. Why couldn't she do anything?! "Don't you love me anymore!?" She screamed in desperation.

Shizuru looked taken aback for all of five seconds. Did Natsuki… did she really think…?

The flaxen haired woman smiled in what she hoped was a comforting way, and the soft fingertips resting on Natsuki's cheek trailed down to her shoulder, and she felt the slight pressure there.

"Don't you ever think that, Natsuki." Shizuru said in that musical voice of hers, the light, happy accent somehow biting to the latter's ears. "I love you, Natsuki…" Shizuru said, smiling a broken smile. "I love you so much more than you could ever know… And…" The hand had lost its strength, making a small, tender trail down the length of Natsuki's arm before stopping at the girl's hands.

"I could never ever cause you pain again."

"_Bullshit_!!"

Shizuru's smile never wavered, she only clutched Natsuki's hands tighter as she thrashed against her. "It's for the best, Natsuki. It's… it's for me and you. For us."

"_How the hell is it for 'us'?!_" Natsuki screamed in revulsion, tears blazing down her cheeks. "I need you _here_, Shizuru!! Here with ME!" Her palms upturned and suddenly she was gripping Shizuru's hands with fervour. Shizuru looked positively unperturbed by the passionate action, which only served to tear apart Natsuki's heart just that little bit more. "Why…

Why can't you understand?!"

Shizuru looked hauntingly up at her, only thinking vaguely of how beautiful Natsuki's eyes looked; an emerald storm, the deepest of forests… the most beautiful and deadly pair of eyes she had ever looked unto. Some would say the same for her eyes, however…

"Kannin na, Natsuki." The words came out automatically, and what little remained of Natsuki's hope diminished and the girl slumped, defeated. "Don't cry…" Shizuru continued 'soothingly', "I may start to believe that you are crying for me…"

"Baka…" Natsuki whispered, leaning forward and gathering the stoic Shizuru into her trembling, weakened embrace. She was not the impenetrable fortress that the girl had always been for her, but she would try her hardest to repair that which she had obviously destroyed. Little did she know…

"I… I love you, Shizuru." Natsuki murmured tenderly, pressing her face into the smooth crook of Shizuru's neck. The scent of tea and lavender invaded her senses, and she dully registered that the ache in her heart had dimmed with the other woman's warmth.

She waited, pressing herself against the other woman's body until they were flush, trying not to think that if she screwed this up that this may be the last time that she would ever get to do so.

"Ara…"

Natsuki's eyes shot open in horror.

"It seems that I have to go, Natsuki."

_No no no no no no no no-_

Shizuru stood up, and Natsuki slid off of her like liquid, falling heavily on the floor with a dull thud. The tears wouldn't stop… they just wouldn't stop…

Shizuru bent down and grasped Natsuki's shoulder comfortingly, "Kanin na, Natsuki." She said hollowly for the second time that evening, "I have to leave now." She smiled that horrible, horrible smile, and pressed her lips to Natsuki's forhead, pausing just a little to inhale the younger woman's scent. Natsuki shivered, the numbness spreading all over her body until all she could register was that slight, sensitive pressure upon her head. She choked out a sob, and raised her hand to touch Shizuru's hair, but the woman pulled smoothly away before her hand could make it. She couldn't stop the sob that time.

"I love you, Natsuki." Shizuru said, seemingly ignoring Natsuki's pain nor paying any heed to it. "That's why I have to go."

And, like a four year old had simply taken a crayon and smeared it on her face, Shizuru smiled that fucking plastic smile, calmly picked up her handbag from the counter and walked towards the door, and out of Natsuki's life.

…And Natsuki's heart broke.

oooooOOOooooo

AN: eeep, whoa. Angst! D8

Actually, I just wanted to try writing some angst since I fail at it. And look! –laughs nervously- I think it's ok? Hm. I'm tempted to turn this into a chapter story, depending on the feedback this gets. I'm terrible with chapter stories though, soo…

Well I hope you guys enjoyed! I know that the beginning doesn't really make sense since it just launches into the argument, but like I said, it's just a wee bit of practice at the mo n.n I didn't want to do the pre-argument stuff if I was just doing the angsty bits… so… whay! Lol –fails-

Unemotional Shizuru is so PAINFUL to write man! D8


	2. Retrospect

Shizuru put a tired hand to her forehead and lightly massaged her temple. The fatigue was too much. The separation (_Na…)_ and enrolment into Oxford whilst dealing with her parents and (_Nat…) _handling company issues with Fujino industries had taken its toll at last. She felt as though the weight of the world bore down on her ever-waning shoulders, and the only thing capable of keeping her afloat amidst the chaos was (_suki…)_ the hope that she would someday be able to return to Japan (_Natsuki…)_ and make her parents proud.

If only _her_ name would get out of her mind…

Since announcing to Natsuki the news of her departure, life had been

_Hell_

less than pleasant; the girl's reaction was… less than desireable.

_Hell_

_Well, it's not as if you handled it well, did you?_

She closed her eyes, _it was for the best. Only in truly scarring her could she ever erase me from her life. Whether I sound like a bigot or not, I was a large part of her. _Exhale.

_I love you._

Shizuru glanced tiredly at the small, porcelain cup of tea resting on her desk.

She was tired of it all.

Everyday she would be filled with the same sense of despicable and utmost _longing_; everyday she would gaze outside, from her comfy apartment in the suburbs, and feel her world being torn apart bit by agonizing bit. Everything in the whole, wide world reminded her of _her_ scent, _her_ touch, _her_ taste… everything, _everything_ you could possibly hope to comprehend of her.

Could she do anything about it? Could she simply move on, erase all thoughts of _her_ and be happy?

No, Shizuru thought, smirking a tad ruefully at herself. Her smile, _her_ Natsuki's smile, would haunt her 'til her dying day, and she would gladly give everything she had, and didn't have, to preserve that smile.

Because… even if Natsuki never returned her twisted, twisted feelings, Shizuru would still love her truly, madly and deeply.

Shizuru looked forlornly at the teacup.

So this is how it is now; her running away from the one she so desperately, painfully, _agonizingly_ longs for, if only to keep said loved one happy.

_Happy without me_.

Shizuru raised the expensive cup to her lips and took a sip.

_So be it._

oooOOOooo

A/N: It's a good sign guys! Holy shit, a second chapterlol? I know it's short – I wanted to show how Shizuru's feeling, post-seperation, about the things she's done. The first chapter didn't really give people an indication of what was going on in her head.

Any thoughts? I'd love to hear them!


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